You ask me why I sleep long – Read on.
Sleep rests my tired body.
Sleep takes away my pain.
Sleep gives me peace.
Sleep buys me time.
Sleep solves some of my problem.
Sleep ends my bad experiences.
Sleep makes me dream.
Sleep gives me hope.
Sleep helps me forget.
Sleep is usually a standoff, for me – because I do not wish to pick up a fight with you.
How about you? Why can’t you sleep?
With you, love is warm, bright and kind.
It is stormy at times but settles after awhile.
With you, life is colorful and real.
It is like the autumn leaves.
With you, passion is alive.
Moving, yearning and wanting.
With you, I am ….
Breathless.
Do you love me?
You say you do.
Do you think about me?
You say you always do.
But where are you?
I say I don’t know.
What makes the world go round? What keeps a family together? What makes a person blind?
Too many questions. Complex feeling. Mixed emotion.
Love.
What does that four letter word mean? We can define it in so many and different ways. But the real and true definition is in our hearts.
We are born with that innate feeling. As we grow, that innate feeling is nurtured, cultured and reared by our parents.
Parents love their children and their children learns to reciprocate that love and share it with the siblings, grandparents, relatives and friends.
Love is not just giving - -.
You are at your best and you give the best of everything you are to that person.
Love must be reciprocated.
Unrequited love leads to unhappiness, depression and the feeling of self-unworthiness which will later result to conflicts or problems. The start of complications.
They say love makes the world go round. Why? Because people develops empathy and compassion. It becomes a cycle. “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.”
Family is the basic foundation of our community. Harmony starts at home.
Love is blind?
Yes, it is blind. A person in love cannot or does not see the imperfection of the other person or life. A perfect rosy world.
But reality strikes.
The lover wakes up from a deep slumber.
I failed to log in for six days. My Aunt and her friends visited me during that time - - I was with the young-once club of Chinois. I brought them to shopping areas and downtown but failed to show them the business area - - considering that our house is only about a 10-minute walk from the business area.
Their first day, I drove them to downtown Namba, turned out to be a real blunder. Lunch time came, thinking this was my chance and a good reason to eat and indulge in Chinese cuisine, since I was on a diet, I could bring them there - - but I forget they were chinois - - . So, since they said they wanted to try some real authentic Japanese food (but I was informed before hand that they do not wish to eat sushi or sashimi), I ordered Japanese Curry for us. My guests did not complain. I thought everything was okay because they all finished their food. We strolled along the shopping alley when my Aunt saw the long queue of Takoyaki-lovers. Since there was a long queue of buyers, and not trusting my taste of food anymore, they said they wanted to try it. I ordered and bought a small portion for them. Thinking again that the food was okay because they did not complain nor said anything about the food - - we went to proceed to our shop hopping. Before the 3-o’clock habit, they said they want to go home because they were tired from walking. Since I had brought the car and probably having rested a bit they said they want to go to Hyaku-yen Shop. We went to the nearest Hyaku-yen shop closest to the house - - they enjoyed looking at the things there while I bought a furikake. Dinner time came and I served them homemade Japanese food plus the furikake. (Furikake is a Japanese rice topping/seasoning.) They liked it and then the truth came. They said they did not like the curry that we had and the takoyaki but loved my cooking. Did I hear it right?
The following day, we took the train to Umeda area. Window-shopped at Daimaru. I didn’t recommend anything anymore for lunch. I just asked them what they lwant to eat with from all the choices that was on display. We ended up in a French-Japanese Restaurant. Good choice.
Third day was at Lalaport. Lalaport is the biggest mall in Kansai. But before going to Lalaport, I brought them to my bestfriend’s house — Anna (I am used to calling her B, short for Banana), B lives in a typical Japanese mansion and she joined us to go to Lalaport. We went around and saw that the food choices were great - - but we settled for gratin. B ordered okonomiyaki. They tasted it and their palate were satisfied.
Fourth and last day, we overslept a bit and went out to go to Osaka Castle in the afternoon. It was another long walk. Osaka Castle is the symbol of Osaka. It is a must-see or a must-go to tourist spot for every tourist visiting the city. They bought souvenirs and had a lot of photos taken from the granduer spot — the Chinois turning Japanese.
All in all, they had a good trip and I had fun, too. Their stay with me made me forget my problems.
How do you heal a broken heart? or a wounded soul? What do you do? How do you recover with such intense pain? It is such a complex feeling.
When you’re hurt it seems like the time stops clicking. You feel lost and unsure of so many things if not all.
Mending a broken heart - - I had different experiences when it comes to relationships.
I was a senior high school student when I met a guy whom I know that he was the one for me. He felt the same way and said that I was the one for him, too. We were very, very happy together but we were both young. My grades were all going up because I was inspired but it was the opposite for him. He had difficulty in concentrating on his studies and, being in the first section, competing with his peers. He was bright and intelligent compared to me - - am just an average person. He asked for his freedom because he told me that he wants to prioritize his studies. He also told me that he loved me but he wants to establish himself first and promised to come back. I didnt believe him. I had no choice but to set him free. It was a painful experience for me. The first time my heart broke. I was in denial. I did not tell my friends about out break up. How could it happen to us. We were both happy with each other. Although our teachers disapproved our relationship because he was Mr. Right and I was just an ordinary girl with an average brain. Life went on for us. We see each other in the school ground or in the corridor but we never spoke a word because we know people were looking. He would visit me in the house every summer. Five years had past. After college graduation, he came back. He was professing his love for me once more and to told me to wait for another three months. I was dumbfounded - - I was happy and ecstatic but I wasn’t free anymore. At this point, I had my second heart break.
I got married and had a family but this marriage lasted only for five years. Met various men in different types and shapes but the one man that caught my heart was a weirdo. A weirdo in a cute sense. He is weird because unlike the others he doesnt open the door for me (even the car door), he’s not the impress me type of guy. He takes me out on a date not on a five-star hotel but on a cheap restaurant. He takes me to watch the sun set which I love very much but have not told anyone. So I fell in love again. We love each other BUT (I have no idea why there is always something - - you cannot have everything; why can life not be perfect?) he has children and a wife. My heart crushed. He told me that he and she had a falling out before I came in.
To make the very long and complicated story short, we were married after eight long and agonizing years. Life was difficult for us. People around us were unkind and untrue except for the really close friends we have.
Life with him is a bliss. He loves me and I love him. Although there are still some things that I do not agree with him - - minor things - - little things.
Now, I still have difficulty in learning and accepting the saying ”that everything in life has to pass” but I guess it is true. Problems eventually has a solution. There will always be an answer to a question.
Indeed, time is the only answer. Time heals everything.
I love looking at the sky — it’s so therapeutically relaxing. Calm, peaceful and blue.
One day, as I was looking at the sky, I realize the sky is alive. It has its own life. Its life is generally calm but there are times that it has its own troubles and battles. That is when I guess when we have the Storm. It also sheds tears, — we get rain. We hear its shouts, probably, to release her anger and frustration so what do we get? We get thunder. When we see it dark, I don’t know probably, it’s just depressed and BLUE.
Funny how it can be compared to our life — it really is so like us!
Blue is my favorite color. That is why I guess why I love the sky. In music, I like R&B. The blues music.
I like blue things but I own only a few. One blue dress, one blue gown, one blue pants and three blue tops. That’s all. I don’t even have a blue pocketbook nor shoes. Funny.
Although I would like to have my room painted in blue. With matching blue carpet and just all blue things in it. But it will cost a fortune.
Life is short. I am not rich to transform my life with all blue things and have my whimps in a snap. So, I realize, I am still lucky because I still get to enjoy the simple things in life — like looking at the blue sky. Why? Simply because it free.
Most of the time I wonder what lies ahead for me. I feel so inadequate in so many things. Talented, I am not. Brainy, I wish. Perfomer, In my dream. Doubting Thomas, that’s me!?!
I wish I can be like my bestfriend, Anna. She’s smart, jolly and charismatic. And, she — can definitely sing. But what I admire from her the most is her faith. Her faith refulgent from within. Tranquil is in her eyes. Her words, kind and warm. She says there are times she forgets to read the Bible, because of her work and family duties, but she makes up for it. She and her husband + little Jana attend a Bible study every Wednesday.
Anna’s a believer — (not a worrier like me).
She doesn’t condone my brattiness whenever I encounter contretemps with my connubial partner. She tells me the wrongs I have done (not behind my back), make me REALLY realize my wrong deed — then, tells me how I could avoid it. She shares the love and blessings with me (and with the others, too, of course) that she gets from Jesus. Telling me, over and over and over, again to trust and believe in Jesus. “Thy will be done.”; “Ask and you shall receive.”, are some of her reminders. She tells me to ask for contrition, pray for my wishes, read the Bible, and to trust in Jesus name.
I am a worrier –. Primodial, I guess. I worry about everything and anything — still –sometimes.
But, In Jesus name, I surrender.
I love to eat — steak, ice cream, cheese, baked macaroni, lasagna and chinese foods. Love dining out, too because I don’t know how to cook. I am hungry most of the time so I eat anything I see and that was the reason why I grew B-I-G.
I was chubby when I was small but I managed to lose all the fats during my teens. Then I became skinny. And bosomless (read: flat). Boys don’t seem to mind it because I had more than I can handle. Anyways, I was able to marry a very eccentric painter who cooks yummy food. For a petite person like me, you can just imagine when my waistline expanded to 34.
Having post partum depression and marital problems, I decided to lose weight. Determined to be thin again — i stopped eating. I turned my back on every food that I see. It was a crash diet and I eventually succeeded — and then the separation came. I became bullimic and for some time anorexic until the annulment was served.
My bulimia stopped only about two years ago and when I started to learn how to cook. Now, weighing 42 kilos at 5″, I still feel a little heavy that’s why I’m watching on my carb intake.
After the bullimia and anorexia, I still love to eat (with moderation) with my hubby. He hasn’t complained about my cooking and I enjoy feeding him. I want him to add a few more pounds o get B-I-G. I want my man to be just like that.
I am not wondering why so many people want to go the United States. They say America is the land of the free with so many opportunities. I am starting to believe that. Two of my best friends are there trying out their luck. But these two did not come from poor families. They told me they cannot stand seeing and living in their native land that’s why they opted to leave.
Back home, the local news still carry the biggest problem of our country (ever since I was small it hasn’t change) which is graft and corruption. So how can it be stopped? I don’t know if it will ever stop in this life or in my next life.
People have no jobs. They have no money so how can they afford to buy food. People are starving. What will happen to them? Will they just die? I guess it is better to be dead than to be alive and suffer. Street families are everywhere. They have sprung and had been a permanent fixture on the streets. They live there. They sleep on the cold pavement. Day in and day out. They are just there. Little children, babies, mothers and fathers. They have nothing. Their clothes are dirty, hair sticking together. They get their food from the garbage if they dont receive any alms.
They quality of education has dramatically dropped.
The government seemed not be doing anything to help the poor. The rich are still getting richer while the poor are dying.
Politicians are busy creating, legislating, implementing and amending the laws. We have so many laws already.
So, what will happen to next?
